I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
