Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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