I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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