There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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