Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
