You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
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You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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