we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
that may or may not have been my penis.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
