I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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