I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Randomize
