then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
