Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
