I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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