His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
