Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
