He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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