I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
