she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
smell my finger.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
