I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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