I heard we made out
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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