i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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