Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
