Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
