we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
