worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
