never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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