college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
