we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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