The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
