When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
