textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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