Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
