This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
