awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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