Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
