Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
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I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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