know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This house was built for laser tag.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
