The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
