If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
