ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
