4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
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I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
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How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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