Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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