Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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