lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
