I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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