Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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