Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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