please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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