Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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