I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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