How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize