Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
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Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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