You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
