the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize