every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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