I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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