My sheets look like a crime scene.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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