Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
