got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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