having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...