Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
someone get that fucking seahorse.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
