You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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