so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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